


Do I get points for the laws I'm breaking?

by localdadfriend (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Dirty Jokes, Dirty Talk, Foreplay, Hand Jobs, M/M, POV Alternating, Sex Toys, Short intro, Smuppets, Underage Sex, for part of the fic, hyper sensative, improvised bondage, jake gets aged up i swear, silliness during sex, spongebob qoutes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:09:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7297060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/localdadfriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Discontinued.<br/>An aged up Dirk Strider, teenage Jake tagging along with his cousin John at Dave's sleepovers. Some cornered sexual exchanges. It's only /slightly/ fucked up right? I mean, it's not like anyone's saying no. Right? </p><p>A few things on the checklist are denial, teenage heartbreak, porn, and some eventual happiness.<br/>featuring gem moments such as:<br/>“Feeling it now Mr. Krabs?” you have to hold back laughter at your own shitty joke while Jake’s expression flips between heart eyes and dumb genuine grins. Fucking grown ass man quoting Spongebob during foreplay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Opening chapter is really short. I suck at summaries. I've had the draft for this on my google drive for a few months and I love short chapters so I figure If I start posting I'll need to update this shit. Have fun.

If you really think hard about it, legally, you aren't a pedophile. Pedophiles like kids ranging from shitsnot-fuckers to brats in the store. Basically stops around age eight or nine. The next pre-fix starts with an O and ends with a Phile but like hell if you've let yourself dance with guilt long enough to learn the term that will send you to jail.   
  
Your name is Dirk Strider, you typically go by the name Bro. 

 

You are  **not** a pedophile. 

 

You just happen to have some poor self-control when it comes to one of Dave's friends, Jake English. Little brunet with a dopey grin. Shy smile, face that heats up like a campfire when he's nervous or horny. Kid's a teenager, he can't help but be horny right? Same way that you can't help but pity his poor soul. Why the hell you want to give him a five start experience who knows?  
  
It's fine though, he's young. When you first cornered him all you did was feel between the safety of metal and denim. He didn't complain. Didn't protest. Hell you had to wonder if the fucker had ever touched himself judging by the way he stuck to you. After just one taste Jake's eyes followed your back around the apartment. He'd always glance at you if chance put you in the same room. It must have been the big curious eyes that landed him whining like a pup, cumming into your hands inside the bathroom before you cleaned him up and sent him back to a session of video games.   
  
It'd be a lie to say Jake English wasn't on your fuck-it list. Of which you only remembered when convenient.

 

It became convenient on the way home when remembering you promised Dave a sleepover after coming home from a club drunk again. You promised you would stop waking him up. After three times breaking that promise you suppose you owed him. Even if he was being a wimp ass, manipulating you for his own gain. Smart kid. Learned from the best no doubt.   
  
Jake English is in your apartment, there's an eighty percent chance. You don't plan on laying a finger on him. But, who are you to deny him if he should ask?   
  
You're not a pedophile. He's at least sixteen, right? 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake vaguely recalls how this all happened.

Dave's brother. 

He was, intriguing? Yes that's it! A bit mysterious still, and yet rather enticing. Least you forget he was handsome. Incredibly handsome. A bit older, but.. It's not like he was some forty year old. What did it matter anyway? Alright well, you'll admit it mattered a little bit. Except, it's not like he could get you pregnant. Jake ran the thoughts through his mind, sitting wedged between his two friends John and Dave. Or rather, his cousin and his cousin's friend. Dave was nice but a bit brash. You don't know him very well so it's hard to put a complete judgement of the blond in place. He was nice. 

Both boys were nice really, it's merely that, well, they knew each other so much better than you! Which is fine, you spent part of your childhood on a frigging island. It's not like you can complain for not having friends whom you've grown up with. They were younger as well. Yes that was surely another factor to include. The two didn't need a third musketeer though. They seemed fine all by themselves. It's odd that Jake even continued coming with John in the first place. Or is it? Even the first sleepover you were a bit reluctant stepping in the apartment, no solid reason to tag along. At this point you can't say you regret it though. After all, it's how you met Dirk. Bro, uh, well that's what Dave called him. You always got a funny look when referring to the older by anything else. Not that you particularly spoke of him with the other two. 

It started one night when you were up getting water. The other two had passed out in Dave's room. Dirk had been out in the living room, being a curious fellow who couldn't sleep it only made sense that you sat down! 

It's really hard to say whether Dirk liked you, but you think he must, at least a little bit right? 

The blond's always wearing shades it's hard to tell. He didn't show much expression either. Especially when you leaned over to see what he was playing on his phone. Growing up without too many people around made for some social errors. Like, for instance, respecting personal space. You tried to! You were a lot better showing manners now. Just the same you didn't use as many 'funny' words. Jake's choice of vocabulary had him bullied in a downright mean way. Well, if you consider a room full of laughter mean. 

Either way you had planted a hand on his thigh in order to gain some leverage in leaning over his shoulder. He was quite tall, not so much sitting down but Dirk still appeared to have a longer torso. Uh, now that you think about it you're not sure exactly sure when a kiss had been planted behind your ear. Or how you landed in the others lap. Or that you made such feathery noises when touched. 

"Fuck kid, do you always turn this red?" Apparently your cheeks blush a mighty red color. 

Jake had gone back to Dave's room with a heated face and a dozen thoughts. You didn't tell the other boys what happened, which should be a given. In fact it was sort of annoying to find Dirk completely ignore you the next day. Though the next time you were in the apartment you ended up sitting on the bathroom counter with Dirk standing between your legs pressing kisses under your jaw. You could handle the silent treatment as long as you found a way to be alone with him later. 

It's a bit sad to think that you've only come with hopes of being alone in a room with Dave's older brother, but, that's the truth of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to keeping a fucking perspective, I apologize for that.  
> I can tell you there will perspective changes later on between Bro, Jake, and Dave.  
> There's gonna be smut soon. So. Yay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Feeling it now Mr. Krabs?” you have to hold back laughter at your own shitty joke while Jake’s expression flips between heart eyes and grins. Fucking grown ass man quoting Spongebob during foreplay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so here's 5k+ of smut for yall. Which means a rating change.  
> Even more to come, so yeah. May or may not switch back to Jake.  
> Excuse any typos, I try really hard to get them all but it never seems to work.
> 
> I gotta give credit to one of my older roleplay logs for some spot on Dirk characterization.

You unlock the door with fluid motions before realizing it was never locked in the first place. Dave must have forgotten. As of recent the number of sleepovers held in Casa De Strider have steadily increased. By no means does this make you a good person or nice brother. In fact it might just be the opposite if we’re really taking morals into account. Jake English remember? The factors leading to the incline have nothing to do with Dave’s behavior, or Dave at all for that matter. It’s for a less than honorable reason but really, why dwell on that? 

The apartment has always been littered by technology. The heart of which being Dirk’s bedroom housing one too many monitors if there is such a thing. The living room is overgrown with video game platforms and games strung about in organized chaos. You keep the PS4 in your room. 

Long story short, Dave forgot to lock the door after letting his pals in. Being present when they show up is not on your to do list. You might as well ignore the fact you have guests altogether, whom have seated themselves in front of the tv, controllers in hand. It’s hard to say whether Dirk picks on Dave out of any spite, the exchange always so quick. 

“Dave, I don't understand why you constantly find yourself so intent of playing a game you know you suck hell at. At least against me anyway, guess playing against your dork duo changes the statistics of your victory. If only slightly." Voice near monotone as usual. You greet the duo with respective nods. “Sup John. Jake.” The latter getting a pat on the shoulder. Like I said, you are not a pedophile. Jake’s at least sixteen. Not that it makes much difference but hey, which would you prefer? Insistently cornering a nine year old or insistently cornering a sixteen year old? Pick your poison, Dirk sure as hell chose his. Luckily there were enough distractions throughout the day to busy your mind with.

 

“Ooh, sick burn Bro. Got me good. Might be third degree. Now that you’ve roasted me like a prime piece of meat can you crawl back into your room and leave us alone? K, thanks dude.” The blond's words might have held more weight if his character on screen didn’t just croak. You snort. John snickers. Dave can have as many dumb sleepovers as he wants so long John keeps dragging his cousin Jake along for the ride. The short contact already seems to be have the brunet's eyes attached to you. The kid was so reluctant at first and now it’s as if he was the one pursuing you. You note him sitting on the couch, torso twisted around to look at you with what’s probably curiosity. Moments later Jake’s respective portion of the TV turns red and he’s being bawled out by the younger pair. You retire to your room.

He’ll probably end up crawling his way to you within the hour anyway. It’s actually kind of fucked up. He should prefer hanging out with people closer to his age right? Like Dave and John, right? Maybe if you had better conviction you could actually force Jake to hang out with them. Instead you wait. Plenty of things to do in that time. Browser checking your skype for any new messages when there’s a knock. Following suit is a growing strip of light across the floor and a certain green eyed boy lingering in your doorway. 

“Hello Strider!” He dropped the Mr. a few weeks ago thank fucking god. 

“I uh, don’t suppose I could hide out here for a spell.” His voice sheepish as if prepared to abscond otherwise. Would you really say no? You can’t help but smirk a bit finding the quirky vernacular just one of many endearing characteristics. You can't find it in yourself to scold that thought . 

Reclined in a desktop swivel chair you casually close the tab of ‘business’ on your monitor, along with other various windows. Thankful for the way it’s positioned away from the brunet’s eyes. You've done enough damage, kid doesn't need to be seeing any added porn. Well, second thought with what the two of you have already done it probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Wait a minute - kid's sixteen of course he's seen porn. A thought occurs. Just not porn with you starring in it. 

“Jake. Frankly, I wasn't expecting you so soon but you're more than welcome to enter at your own volition,” Typically, you didn't let others into your room- ya see, it ain't really child friendly. Unsheathed, collectible swords and other sharp objects hung off one wall, posters of questionable themes off another, and all without mentioning the incomplete handmade toys that fall under your ‘business’.. but you actually, kind of put an effort into tucking that nsfw stuff away when Jake came around. The worst of it at least. While even Dave wasn't let into your room it had been established that Jake was exempt from some of Dirk's restrictions. Kid didn't know how good he had it. 

“You make it sound like a blasted booby trap you know!” A lighthearted chuckle escaping Jake as he decided it was safe enough to come in. The comment has you swallow- brief reminder why you shouldn’t let him pal around. He’s the only real trap here. Says the guy at least ten years older, who’s probably taking advantage of him. Except you don’t intend to screw him over like someone else might. 

Luckily the Strider demeanor is top solid and none of your internal monologue shows. You dismiss the comment and upsetting thoughts. 

“Close the door would ya.” Gotta keep your bat cave a mystery somehow. 

 

Jake seems to find himself comfortable enough to free roam your bedroom. Smart kid, doesn’t really poke or prod at anything. He eventually makes himself comfortable on the edge of your mattress and you feel two green orbs settle on you. After a moment he begins to explain his current situation. "I'm supposedly sleeping according to the chums in the out front but..I was thinking maybe we could do something?" Statement full of childlike flirtation that’s probably just in your head. It at least explains how he slipped away from the two out front. Although you highly doubt that pepsicola really fell for it. The two seemed to get along well enough without Jake to really care you guess. Would make sense them being best friends. Jake being said best friend's cousin and a few years older. 

There are multiple things you /could/ do, but you have a suspicion Jake knows more or less what he wants. A moment passes and Jake only stares at his lap. Shame. You lean back in your chair leaving space in yours. “That’s pretty vague don’t you think?” As an invitation or a dare. He couldn’t think he was going to get away that easily right? The pout on his face says otherwise “What were you thinking? I have much better games on my PC, is that it?” Before Jake can summon the courage to get to your lap you stand and move to sit down on the bed hands behind you. 

Affectionately so there’s soon a thigh pressed against yours, the gesture only confirming your suspicion. “Or, we could always watch a movie. You should seriously elaborate on this ‘mysterious’ something bro.. Unless that is, you were hoping to touch upon something akin to what we did like last time..” Words careful, eyebrow raised in Jake's direction. While there was a strong chance your suspicion was right it’d be a bad habit to start assuming Jake was even curiously perverse. Regardless the truth in that.

“And what if it is? I'm sure you'd be teasing me doing either, or." It’d be red light then and there if not for the way he fiddled with his shirt tails or the poutiness in his voice. Something twists in your stomach when he nods in defeat, red invading his ears. He’s like a fucking puppy all sad and upset. It’s not a disappointing answer by any means of the word. It excites you and like hell if you don’t feel a bit skeevy for it. Jake’s response serves as indirect permission to continue the fucked up shit you’re doing. "Well, if it was, then I might be inclined to take you up on such a request. Can't say I'd be a very humble host if I don't do everything in my power to keep you entertained." you respond because this game is all too easy and Jake is far too willing than he should be. "And if it sweetens the deal any better, I've got a fair few new activities that we could experiment with. Unless you're lacking in adventurous spirit right now, in which case, I'd understand." You shrug after having dished out that bait.

Like a struck match those green eyes light up and you find yourself helping him clamber his way onto your lap accepting the challenge with words that leave you with a soft laugh "What are you blabbering about! My fire for adventure is always ablaze." Judging by the kid’s grin he must have some clue as to how dorky he sounds. It’s probably the type of spirit he’ll need. “Good, I expect nothing less.” You pat the legs now positioned on either side of you. After all you’ve done in the past weeks there has been a lot of things you had to build up to with the little time you and Jake go to spend with one another, it only started out with palming. After which, you actually got some clothes off to move on with things like fingering.. There was still a few major steps he could take.

"It's one thing to talk the talk, but it all depends on whether you can walk the walk.. Though if you really do follow through with this 'adventure', there might not be any walking done for a while." Purposefully leaving that ambiguous. You’ve decided to save the reveal for after you get Jake properly worked up for it. It’s a good thing that the boys are here for the weekend. It provides you with more time to explore Jake, and Jake the time to walk off any sore aches of the aftermath. 

There seems to be no signs of unease on Jake’s face, you’ll take that as a victory. While of course you’d like to consider - being in your industry and all - it hard to ‘fluster’ you. Still, being a cyber based line of work the prospect and weight of Jake against you manages to send a few sparks down your back. You’re going to ruin him, with care of course. Always starting slow as to not scare Jake off but it will end the same each time. Him bending to your touch. Even leaning into you already, arms wrapped around your neck. “But trust me, it’ll be totally worth it.” You ensure, lips practically against the boy’s ear, nipping before you begin a trail of short kisses along his jaw. Among the notes you’ve made about Jake English the following seem relevant at the time. 

\- He loves and begs (lowkey) for attention but blushes like a sixth grader.  
\- He will alway tilt his neck for you.  
\- He has a fucking huge set of vocals.  
\- He is far too receptive for his own good. 

"That's rather ambiguous, wouldn't you say?" Jake coos back after a moment of silence in a cheeky, playful sort of tone. A direct repetition of earlier word. You’re a bit taken back, having your own words tossed back at you like that? Damn him for taking that opportunity and high tailing with it. Between your silent curses Jake’s curiosity reaches its limit. It’s difficult to answer, what would and wouldn’t scare him? Humming you let your hands slide down his sides to the space connecting his torso and thighs. Watching for any signs of faltering consent. Always watching for signs of faltering consent. You can’t really afford not to. "Can you remember how it felt before, during that time I used my fingers to press into that choice, plush rump of yours-,” Jake nods shyly with a nervous giggle, face visibly heating. “and how it hurt a little at first but then I touched that little spot I had told you about and, holy shit, did you moan or what?” He soon begins squirming and fuck if it doesn’t do a lil something for you. “I mean, I'm still surprised Dave and John didn't wake up at that," “I can be quiet if need it!!” You shake your head, honestly Jake sounds like he’s afraid you’d say no to him. The enthusiasm leaves a bit of a smirk as you finish explaining. "We can do something like that again, only this time not with my fingers and with a lot more lube." That last part a bit vague for the possibility that maybe it would be smart to start with a toy that was more suited to what Jake might be able to take right now. Actually on second thought that seems to be the only logical course of action. After all, you have quite a bit of time to better become acquainted. Why race to the finish line? 

In fact, perhaps waiting until John and Dave went to bed would be wise, but the knowledge that they’re only yards away and none the wiser seems sort of thrilling. It was risky, something about Jake always has you itching for more, even if it was more or less to feel the other writhe in pleasure and struggle to hold his voice down while still attempting to beg- with thoughts like these in mind, that little squirming Jake did on your lap causes you to suck in a bit of air through your teeth. "We'll cross that bridge when it comes- though hopefully you won't cum before then." By the way Jake shivers under your mouth when pausing at the slope of his neck it seems seriously debatable, but like hell something's going up his ass until he’s hard. Whatever protest he had in attempt to defend his pride dies down once you pull him closer. Tongue sweeping across the rest of his neck. Never anything rough enough to mar anything visible but Jake doesn’t seem to mind judging by the sounds lost to his throat. How can you blame him? Teenage hormonal pup getting so much more than he deserves. Spoiled. Spoiled rotten and you intend to continue with that trend. Leave him trembling and gasping for more. Yeah, you’ll wait until the night to pull out the big guns. 

Course that means you have to get him to the point of trembling first. A plan of actions weaves away in your mind as you pull away with a little haste in movement. Once shoved down that green over-shirt passes Jake's shoulders and down past them to his arms until the crumpled fabric was gathered under the joint of his elbows reaching behind Jake to grab the back of his over-shirt to tuck around his forearms, the tighter the better. It wasn't even knotted though, and if Jake really had the desire to free his arms from this tangled bondage, it could be undone with enough writhing and tugging- not that you wouldn't help to untie him if Jake honestly wanted to stop. That's what safe words were for of course. No signs of hearing it yet. 

To make things easier you move to hold Jake from under the armpits in order to lift him, so that you can turn around, to fall back onto the bed with Jake underneath you on his back, and one knee on either side. "Think you can handle that, Jake?" Both hands moving to hold Jake's shoulders, shades sliding down on your nose a bit, allowing orange eyes to meet Jake's without shades in the way. The small frantic nod you receive earns a grin. The word a sneer. “Good.” It was a priceless. Stunned exhilaration, heart hammering. Exactly what you’re aiming for. 

With more room it becomes easier to slide your hands down his chest, slipping under the fabric of his shirt. Pushing it upward to reveal Jake’s bare chest. Might have been smart to remove that one too but this will do fine. Master of improv after all. The kid certainly didn’t mind and that’s what this was all about right? You adjust positions a little so one knee rests between Jake's legs before leaning a bit back over him. One hand moved to press against his chest to both support him up and to better keep the other against the bed, arms pinned under his back, as your other hand ventured lower to feel Jake's inner thighs under his palm, moving ever closer to his core with each movement. It wasn't long until you finally press your hand against the contoured shape of Jake's growing arousal and dip your fingers deep between his legs your palm rubbed right up against his package. 

And hell is it satisfying that such little things set Jake gasping, a concentrated look on his face. Teeth holding his bottom lip, it didn’t help a runaway whine from escaping Jake’s throat. You hum, voice indifferent if not sarcastic. “Mind spreading your legs? Make this a lot easier, thanks.” Sure enough Jake followed up quickly with nodding and a stammered sure. Even with all that enthusiasm the boys movements were shy. 

It was almost laughable how hard Jake tried to keep up his silent facade. You however have perfected the art of dismissing unnecessary emotion and keep the required distance to watch the contortions of Jake’s face as your hand palms the kid’s crotch from outside his shorts. Fingers tracing the shape of a slowly hardening erection. Squeezing gently while offering short strokes to his shaft through the fabric. Meanwhile you can feel your own pants begin to tighten. It’s something that can be ignored for now, what with the way Jake sucks in breath you’d feel bad leaving him starved for attention. He seemed to be getting hard enough. “Mind if I remove these? They’re only getting in the way.” You receive another voiceless response and pull Jake’s shorts down his thighs. Going through necessary ironic steps to neatly fold the fabric and set it aside before returning your attention. 

“Feeling it now Mr. Krabs?” you have to hold back laughter at your own shitty joke while Jake’s expression flips between heart eyes and grins. Fucking grown ass man quoting Spongebob during foreplay. Hand on either of Jake’s leg, pulling him closer until he had Jake’s crotch pressing up against his knee, enjoying the way Jake’s laughter cut off short at the contact. Hands still at his waist you lean over him near nose-to-nose. “Seems to me like you’re feeling it just fine.” Jake must have agreed making a poor attempt to respond via body. Poor boy’s torso unable to stretch all that far, Jake's attempt of a kiss ending with him releasing a groan, lips just barely brushing yours in the process. Brunet sure as hell knew how to motivate a man. It’s a honest shame you have to force him to a volume limit. 

It seems however you owe a long overdue kiss. Closing the space Jake cannot reach, your tongue moves out to stimulate the spot located at his bottom lip, nipping at it softly before deepening the kiss. Swallowing a tiny whimper. Re-purposing your hand to roam across his chest and slip underneath Jake’s boxers to grab a better hold on his dick. Pulling away both to breath and enjoy the look on his face. If he only knew the look on his face, the way Jake let out a shudder. Already unraveling. Lips parted slightly, cheeks pretty and flushed. A small whine escaping despite what were presumably better effort.You’d let those slide. After all with the dynamic duo gaming out front you can stand to allow a few sounds escape. “Think you’re ready to kick things up a notch?” your voice gruffer than intended. Apparently it didn’t matter with Jake’s quick response. “C-Course I am!” You let out a snort rolling your eyes.

“Hm, well in that case.." You start, giving a little smirk before pulling away entirely, leaving Jake alone on that bed- boner poking out against the fabric of his boxers with that disheveled look on his face and his arms still tangled under his back- it was pretty hot to say the least. A view you’d rather admire but there are supplies you need to gather and the possibility of Jake becoming antsy all tied up is quite real. In attempt to lessen this you at least take the consideration of explaining what you’re doing. "-You're gonna have to wait one moment, Jakey." Shuffling off the bed to make for the closest, "We remember, of course, what the lube was for, right? Like I said, we'll be needing a lot more of it for today- I'm just frustrated at my inefficiency to have not had things prepared before you came knocking, but like I said, wasn't expecting you so soon.. it's fine though, love the enthusiasm. You'll want to hold on to that."

Closet being where you stash your goods are more explicit items. Toys like you wouldn’t believe. With his clientele it was necessary to have variety. Of course some of the items you pull from your box are automatically deemed too advance for Jake. It occurs to you that you’d like to use something of your own design- smuppets were practically a pride and joy. You lock the door before returning to Jake’s side. Shirt removed and repurposed to hide away your goodies. All about the reveal. At the sight of Jake’s relieved expression you feel a bit bad. Not bad enough to apologize- he’d be enjoying himself soon enough. “I’ll spare you the mumbo jumbo science behind this-” You begin, showing him the cock ring before further explaining with the show of a salesman. “It’s designed to help you last longer. Can’t end the fun too early right? All it does is hold off the climax, make your erection last longer. Nothing too mind blowing I assure.” Casually positioned between his legs. You can pull down the waistband of Jake’s underwear to uncover his dick so you can slip the device onto it until it fits snugly around the base of Jake’s shaft. 

“Not too tight?” You raise a brow, orange eyes matching his. Hopefully being introduced to odd sex toys plus the makeshift bondage wouldn’t be too offsetting for him. No signs of discomfort yet- then again, who better to introduce Jake to sex toys than a professional, right?

“It’s - It’s fine,” You chuckle. “Uh, Dirk. Say, how long do I need to..er, last” You might look into that more if not for the genuine ring in his voice. “Let’s just say, the longer you last the more enjoyable this experience will be for both of us.” You leave it at that. Leaning over the brunet while his hands slid to pull Jake closer by the hips, offering a rather prime view of a chest toned from a strict exercise routine. He’d say it was pretty nice if not for a few mussed white scars from fucking around with katanas. 

With legs folded under yourself and Jake's thighs propped up on your own. A bit eager to get Jake off - just about as eager as yourself. If only you could, just get rid, of the fucking zipper! "Mind if I just," you mumble relieving that awful tension from your zipper with a sigh, own boxers still covering the head but at least now your fucking dick wasn't grinding against a rough zipper. Your attention returns to Jake along with a grin. “Now let’s remove this last obstruction, shall we?” You don’t wait for an answer this time. Removing his underwear completely you move to grab a more familiar item which needs no introduction. “After all, now we can head towards the real fun.” You place emphasis on the end revealing a bottle of smooth lubricating gel. 

Jake unintentionally scrunches his nose up letting out a slip of words. “Why’s it gotta be so darn cold!” Apparently this was not intended to be spoken aloud judging by the red of his face. Chuckling you shake your head at the outburst. “You could think of it as an improvement on the situation.” Gel covered fingers dipping at the crevice between Jake’s legs. Free hand holding the boy’s hips still at the expected squirm and gasps for breath. The little sounds encouragement to seeks out more. A lubricated finger sliding in the tight opening. “Now remember, if anything hurts..” Words trailing off in a murmur. Geez, within only two Jake was beginning to pant. I guess you can’t entirely blame him for it. Only with that second digit did Dirk make any effort to aim towards Jake’s sweet spot, and like hell would he let you know when you found it.

“Remember to keep the volume low, Jakey-bro.." The muffled affirmative that sounds closer to a moan makes you chuckle just a bit. Hey, looks like you’ll be getting farther than last time that’s for sure. You had a certain feeling that regardless the whole inexperienced bit Jake is just a victim to over stimulation and sensitive nerves. It’s like everything gets a reaction. 

Humming in contemplation, you pump your digits in deeper and curl them so the flats of your fingers rub right up against that literal button inside Jake. "Ah- ah! There it is... Makes you feel like a real bitch, doesn't it?" you mumble, free hand moving up Jake's chest to grip at the shirt that had been rolled up his torso, "It's alright though. Nothin' wrong with that, dude. Nothin' wrong with that." you say, giving a tug and quite easily hoisting Jake up into a near sitting position that you’re about face to face, hardly a moment and your lips are pressed against Jake's and pushed forward for a deep kiss to better muffle the held-back moans that were still practically vibrating in the others throat. Don’t even think this meant you let up mercy with the fingers, steady pace pushing against that same sensitive spot relentlessly. Grip on Jake’s shirt tight enough to keep him from falling backward. Eventually you have to pull away just to get a look on his face. Jake’s body was already trembling and given the chance, he returned to soft breathy sounds. 

"Hah--Hah, y-yeahh." God damn wasn’t he just the spitting image of falling apart. Lips red, face flush, constant whimpering. Anyone else and you’d think they were faking it. 

“If you’re feeling good now just wait till we get started, Gonna warn you it’s a bit thicker than my fingers.” You say before pulling out that ridiculously goofy looking smuppet. The look of amusement wasn't well hidden in your stoic demeanor, you know how absurd of a sex toy the thing made- that ain’t about to stop you though.

"Say hello so this little guy. He's a smuppet," you begin to introduce the dumb, floppy looking thing, "Look at that friendly little face, goddamn thing just makes me wanna puke with it's mother fucking kawaii'ness or whatever, mother fuck. Bottom line is, you and Mr. Smuppet here are gonna get to know each other real well right about now." pulling the thing back towards yourself you smother its phallic-shaped nose in lube, hopefully Jake caught on right about now. "This ain't gonna hurt a bit, lil' dude. Trust me." You mutter finally bringing the toy between Jake's legs aiming the sleek, curved nose of the smuppet into the other's slightly loosened entrance, pushing in at a relatively slow pace.

Judging by the tensing muscle and gasp for breath it was indeed, not the greatest. Of course, being a wonderful host you hold the toy by it’s head in one hand and use the other to stroke teasingly at Jake’s dick. Just a little something to take his mind off any of the discomfort. You don’t stop there, leaning over him to press kisses, mouth aimed at the center of Jake’s chest. Curiosity leading you to one of his perked nipples. The soft gasp seemed to be a good sign. Anything to keep him from thinking. Which meant thrusting that dumb smuppet inside him until you no longer needed to force it. Soon it was a matter of aiming towards that sweet spot. A jolt catches your attention, “Volume bro.” Even you can’t withhold the slightest smirk at it all. Certainly stroked your ego. Except then came the problem; it wasn’t even on yet. 

You finally sit up some, hand taking a hold of Jake’s chin to capture his attention. “Listen up Jake, I’m gonna do a thing and you gotta try your motherfuckin’ best to keep quiet-” Jake’s expression suggests he might as well be on the moon. “Bite my palm if ya need to, actually I might like that.” You shrug and adjust your hand accordingly either way, close enough for Jake to easily bite it if needed. “Alright, keep your shit together on one, two, thr-” You squish the smuppets head turning on one of multiple vibration modes all the while aiming towards Jake’s prostate. He’s only a beat behind and by the way his eyes grow you’re afraid he won’t do anything when suddenly there’s a sharp pain that will definitely leave a mark. A low grunt escapes your throat, teeth gritting, pants tightening. Jake felt that good huh? Assuming the strength of his jaw had any correlation you leave the smuppet up against his prostate while his legs turn into jelly. 

“Congrats dude, I’m surprised you haven’t blown yet. Of course, I think there’s something else to thank for that. Doubt you’ll be lasting much longer huh?” At the pressure in your stomach you idly wonder if Jake would be willing to help you out afterwards. In the past you always took care of yourself in the bathroom as to not put too much pressure on him. 

The brunets whimpers draw you attention and you squeeze the plush head again switching to strong vibrations over a longer interval. Free hand lowering once more to pump Jake’s length in sync to each vibration until he lets out a questionable yelp. Body trembling like the possessed. You remove the cock ring before he begins sobbing or anything. Can’t have that mess. He seems pretty fucking relieved though, body already freezing up. You help him ride out his orgasm and admire the blissed out expression crossing his face. Fuck you can practically feel his trembles. Slowly pulling out the toy and switching through the settings until it’s off you pull 

Back. Movements quick and precise, lifting him to pull loose the shirt holding him hostage before removing yourself from the bed to grab a washcloth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all there is to my google drive.  
> Fuck, now I actually have to work on new content huh?  
> Glad to see at least some of yall seem to like this grossness. <3  
> I sound so crude in note sections geez.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There is no movie greater, more well balanced with dialogue and action, with character development and growing relationships in so realistically portrayed in such a human manner and pretty amazing effects for its time than Finding Nemo." said with a straight face, "Cinematic Mastery if you ask me." 
> 
> In which Dirk embodies the word 'ironic douche-bag' and naked shenanigans continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more like in which the author finally updates. Plot-twist, updates the fic no one wanted or asked for, while back in gumlee world subscribers are begging for the next chapter. 
> 
> Have another 5K+ chapter yall, and thank you so so SO so much for the kind comments they always make me smile <3.

Dirk begins speaking before you’ve even recovered. Blissfully unaware might be a complete understatement. You have left the building, you are gone for the long haul. Jake English was out the door. Leave a message. The world is fuzzy and white but you only see stars for so long before something wet and less sticky is wiping your stomach. That was fast. He’s _always_  fast. 

Throat too dry Dirk beats you to the thing where you say stuff. Speaking? Speaking.  

“So, how’d you like your first time with our friend Mr. Smuppet?” The question is relatively mortifying and a nod seems acceptable in place of sputtering ‘ums’ and ‘uhs’. The bizarre little creature felt pretty wonderful as daft as that is a thought. You don’t think anything you just said was legible. Dirk doesn’t complain or wait for an actual answer. You propose he could carry an entire conversation all by himself. Well, actually you _know_  he can. 

It hasn’t quite hit you what’s happened, all you know is that the finger leisurely trailing across your chest _feels dandy_. Body tingling with aftershocks.    
  
Then the blond says something worth catching your interest. A corner of his lip quirked upward but otherwise no emotion is thrown your way. Something about reciprocating the gesture. He assures it doesn’t have to be fancy. After all you have a pair of perfectly good hands. At the same time he makes sure to let you know there's no obligation.    
  
Somewhere between gaining access to your arms and Dirk joining the bed you’ve gone about and hid your face against his chest partially aware you’re quite naked. Not very fair of him to keep pants on. You don’t realize this was intended for your own benefit of comfort. It’s a tumbled about thought. Dirk is attractive. You like the way he sounds when making any noise. You’ve become familiar enough with him to allow a silly noise shaped creature to violate your backside.   
  
. . . It’s only fair, right? How could you cling to any notion of class if you were to refuse? Maybe you don't want to.    
  
There’s a grunt and you’re being pulled upward, Dirk leaning back against the wall. Oh, he’s still talking.    
  
“You know, I don't even expect you to do much for me. Just something like I had done for you the first time, yknow?”

It sparks a response. He’s all too good at baiting. 

“What? Don’t think I can do anything for you?” Grinning you hardly take into account the way you’ve wiggled back into his lap. He’s already outlining the bulge of his boxers. It’s a bit intimidating and you can’t deny a group of nerves but it’s also a bit exciting?    
  
Reaching forward there’s a twitch of hesitance. Oh.    
  
“Say uh, Dirk, what exactly would you want me to do?”    
  
He scoffs and you think there’s a huff. You near pout at his disbelief. It’s a genuine question! You don’t even recognize the retaliation that comes with crossing your arms. 

Pale brows raised in your direction you suspect an insulting question sits on the ledge of his teeth. Strider swallows shaking his head. “Don’t tell me you’ve never jacked it - O’kay well, here, I’ll coach ya through it-” 

Before you can correct him he’s taken one of your hands and oh my. That’s his dick. You’re holding a dick that _isn't_  your own. Pft. You don’t need instructions!    
  
“- do what I was doing to you. Simple enough right, it was just minutes ago alright, so don't tell me you've forgotten how it felt already. Ya gotta use your hands to stroke, be gentle yet firm. And I swear to god don't you go tugging on my plumping or we're gonna have a problem.” There’s a glare and you nod because he means it. He shimmies his jeans down further for your convenience and you can’t say you aren’t thankful. 

Now that he’s done ranting you correct him all while beginning to ‘gently-yet-firmly’ stroke a dick that is not yours. You may or may not marvel at the difference. “That’s not what I meant.. I asked what you wanted me to do. Not _what_  to do.” On second thought you reach for the lube, he lets out an audible breath. You grin. 

It’s not that weird, just . . Interesting. Maybe a bit empowering when you notice his hips twitch as your thumb swipes across the head. “Fuck, there we go.. That’s the way to get shit done.”    
  
Glancing up you expect closed eyes but there’s only piercing orange. You swallow. Your hand speeds up with your adrenaline and you’re rewarded a grunt. _You grin._  Not only are you loud, you enjoy the sound. Dirk notices. The next compliment suffers stuttered syllables but comes out relatively collected. That chip of demeanor gives you a shit eating grin.    
  
There’s a glare you don’t notice. He’s a very subtle guy afterall. You want to change that. At least, vocally.    
  
“ Ah- nice, just like that. y'see, the heads the money-maker. Even if ya just, sorta, rub your thumb along the tip, that would make hells of difference.”  Vocal in a way that isn’t plain jabber.    
  
An idea comes, a cruel mischievous idea forms and perhaps you need to work on your poker face because Dirk’s gaze has intensified just a little. So, with this plan in action the fluid movement of your wrists slows, thumb slow and teasing. You don’t get far before an interruption and unamused blond.    
  
“Hn, typically it’s the fast pace that gets things going,” A bit of your gusto deflates, shoulders sagging. You don’t realize the pout on your face. It hadn’t ever occurred that you might be a bit more transparent than you think. So, you’re hand speeds back up to a non-sluggish pace. I mean excuse you. Wasn’t going slow suppose to tease? Ego was not a friend that showed up when around the blond.    
  
There was a pause and then a small sigh. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do either Jake.” Op, alright that’s a hand in your shirt and your faces are much closer than previously thought. Did you screw up? You screwed up didn’t you. Dirk’s about to chew you out isn-  "You know if- if you want to hear me moan," he began to add a bit of a wine to his voice, "You coulda just, hn, asked,” You feel heat pooling in your cheeks. You’re pulled closer and a sinuous moan is let out against your ear all hot breath and need. You don’t even care if it’s genuine or not, your hand speeds up in candum to your heart.    
  
"Aa-Aah~! Jake, hn.. hn, go faster," he's saying needfully in a tone just loud enough for you to hear, "Please, _i need this_ …” Bloody hell you might need it too! The performance may even prompt an encore if the twitch from your dick means anything. He’s impossible. Dirk Strider is impossible and you fear you shall never feel any other deep emotion other than flustered-fool-over-his-head.    
  
He’s leaning back against the wall again with a smug expression that makes you gawk.    
  
“You’re completely wicked. Making fun of me.” It might as well be a white flag. You tried to get a leg up and fail pretty spectacularly.   
  
“Oh come on,” Huff. “Wicked (ha fuck) is such a lame word. Why not.. Why not something like..” You’re too caught up with his recent gambit over you to really look into the pauses or baited breath. “You know what, there's just. Really no need for that sort of name calling right about now.” Eyes closed Dirk allows himself to huff softly, body twitching. You think he doesn’t praise you enough. “Y'caught on quick enough, so just (god damn) keep doin' what you're doin' alright?" You don’t complain.    
  
A retort sits on the base of your tongue, content squashes it. He’s happy? You’re happy. Especially now that he’s allowing hums of pleasure he probably wasn’t before. Perhaps you’re misguided and a bit lust driven. The angle of your hand was a little uncomfortable and you wanted something else to do.    
  
It’s close enough. Kissing down Dirk’s chest seems like a no-brainer. You couldn’t reach the blond’s lips or neck with the way he leaned back but Dirk couldn’t complain too much if you ‘accidently’ left a few spots across his abdomen. “Why you cheeky lil..” There’s a faint smile in his voice and you grin. Kissing further along his ribs. The position is actually a bit worse on your wrist but you don’t seem to care. 

"That's nice though, ah- you should.. go lower."

You stop. Only for a moment. That’s really all it takes. The description wicked flows through your head and you can’t place why.    
  
“Fuck, I mean, not that you should or have to, or anything like that, fuck,” Mixed signals to give to a kid who basically follows all of them. It’s a dirty seed of thought to plant in a curious mind. There’s hesitance in Dirk you don’t recognize but he’s still hard. So are you for that matter. “Sorry Jake, I just, keep go’in. You’re good.” There’s a ruffle to your head and tug to your hair and you grunt.   
  
You dismiss the stumbled words, then backtrack because something is confusing.   
  
Shouldn’t was confusing. You’ve seen enough porn to get the implication of .. Of your mouth on his. Oh jiminy. . Somehow it doesn’t gross you out. The idea. Suddenly you seem quite persistent with that idea. Dirk had gone quiet. Head tilted backward expression hidden. Annoying but something you’ll respect. There were still littered sounds of pleasure. Small but endearing almost. You make a note that he likes your biting. You wish it was absent-mindedness but the path of your lips is not without purpose and there’s soon a confused voice above you.    
  
It wouldn’t be that strange would it? Sure the idea of his um, well, intimates in your mouth is a bit cheek burning but if it feels good. Oh lord did it feel good when he did it for you. You look at him and lock eyes. He mistakes your blush for other reasons but does not fail in noting your erection. The glazed look in his eyes fades ever so slightly with the tilt of his lips. It’s more a sneer than a smile.    
  
“Are you gettin' excited again Jake?" a gruff tone in his voice as he spoke low, "You gettin' off on this?" words spoken between short breaths. You squirm under that stare and a pleading whine escapes/ "I-I can see it on your face.. you fucking love this..” Dirk Strider is not a nice person.    
  
“You like it too..” Escapes, quite sheepishly. “I can tell, there’s also sweat above your brow.” What a stupendous line of defense English.    
  
You think you see a grin. “Never denied that. Might go as far to say I’m one pleased mother fucker right now.” He grunts between sentences as if trying to keep control. He’s quite good at it. “You sure do know how to fucking tease with that speed switch.” Oh, wait what? You were never trying to tease.. Hand speeding along similar to the race of your heart. It never occurred that you’d been edging the fellow for the past few minutes. Dirk murmurs about being close and you feel awfully bad for ‘teasing’.    
  
“Here what if I..” You connect biters with his lower rib-cage. Sinking slightly harder than before, tongue pressing against the region in apology in case you’ve gone too far. If anything it would leave a particularly dark bruise. There’s a shaky sigh above you and tight grip in your hair.    
  
“So you’ve a-already figured that out, hu?”    
  
“ I have no idea what you're talking about Strider, I think you might be losing your marbles." Voice playful and light-hearted. Another 'bite' planted though this one happened to be less teeth than actual sucking. Of course you would love to reach higher places, perhaps the blond's neck, preferably his lips, but alas, torso nor your arms were quite long enough to allow that without compromising attention to other places.    
  
There’s a dry laugh and murmured course you dont. You can almost hear Dirk roll his eyes. Except he began to do this thing where he never stops talking.  "If that's the case, then my fuckin' marbles are pla-ayin' hide'n' god damn seek with me right now mother fuck," you can’t help but grin at his unsteady voice. "And to be frank, I don't think Im'a fuckin' see those shitty marbles again any time soon- they're gone forever, fuckin' shit," A hand covers yours increasing the pace. To be fair Jake was trying to make him cum. Not all of it was teasing. Though seeing him lose a bit of control was something you could take enjoyment in. 

After tracing a strong nose, high cheekbones and prominent jaw you place your chin on his chest. Not much else you can do now. Other than watch. Perhaps pull a line and hope it doesn’t come off as stupid. “Do it.” The words breathier than you’d meant. “Wanna see what you look like.” It wasn’t immediate. As you recall some hurried instructions and a hand pulling you towards the crook of Dirk’s neck which would soon wear an imprint of your teeth. He was nice enough to let you go and watch a twitched mixture of expression and brows forced together.    
  
Eyes half lidded, mouth slightly opened, tongue just barely on the edge of his lower lip, breath relaxed but still heavy.    
  
You’re responsible for that expression.    
  
"That.. was. Ah, good job, dude."   
  
He looks gorgeous. For a man always in control with such solid defenses it’s hard to think he would tremble and spiral like that. Well okay so maybe he didn't totally spiral but still, it was something. There’s a slight smile about his lips that sends your pulse fluttering. You fear that the stirring feeling in your stomach surpasses just getting off. Crawling upward you begin peppering kisses that are half-heartedly returned until Dirk can finally get a grip on your chin and hold you in place for what you imagine he’d describe as a ‘proper’ kiss. Well, it properly melts your heart that’s for sure. 

 

= >

 

You’re probably letting Jake get too comfortable around you. 

Even weakly you return his attempted kisses until you’ve locked lips. Yeah, definitely proper. Can’t say it’s only him. There’s a certain sort of euphoria in the fading bliss of the moment. Along with fading recklessness.    
  
Shit. You’re suppose to be the adult here. Rational with good decision making. Ego too big to pretend you don’t know why this isn’t right. So, you pull away. Not fast enough to startle the kid or make him feel shitty. Maybe things haven’t gone too far yet. You could put your foot down and end all of this now. Clean him up and send him out packing to play video games. As if it’s not an obvious enough answer one look back at a ruffled hair dopey eyed Jake you know it’s a lie. Let’s just hope it’s not a heart eyed Jake.    
  
It might be ‘mean’ leaving Jake hanging like this but it’s his fault for gettin’ it up so quickly. Just let him pin that up for a later time. Been gone for a while now huh? You push the thoughts away. Stoic demeanor returning as you reach for your shades.    
  
“So, what’ya say I order some pizza? Or anything really, I'm fairly certain the dynamic duo out there are hungry if not starving by now, so it'd probably be best not to let them go on in that state of suffering. I'll let you pick the toppings." you add with a little quirk of the eyebrow and a playful knock at Jake's arm. "Or would you rather do what they think you're actually doing and take a nap? Hell, why not both? That way the food'll arrive by the time you wake up." Damn kid must be pretty hazy to respond only a few minutes later. It makes you chuckle how he perks up. The wheels in his head almost visible when Jake registers that food of his choice is on the table of generous offers. 

“Hawaiian?” You can’t say no to that boyish grin. Beaming with happiness and droopy tired eyes. Jake wanted Hawaiian pizza? Then by hell there would be some mother fucking Hawaiian pizza when he woke up.” You get this urge to spoil the living shit outta him you never had with Dave and it’s strange. You don’t pamper. Especially Dave. Can’t ruin his motivation for hard work later on in life. Though, the situations were different when comparing the relationships Dave and Jake had with Dirk. And that fact was definitely for the best whether or not Dave got a little jealous over his bro getting Jake a whole pizza suited to his personal liking. 

With effort not to smother him you continue talking and continue acting like an adult. “Should probably clean up first.” Speaking out loud more for your benefit than his. You gather the wash cloth and wipe him up along with yourself before tossing that in the laundry bin. The rest of your clothes seemed to lay outside the splash zone.

“Can I sleep here? For convenience sake of course!” It makes you chuckle, you take a breath in your nose watching as he pulls some clothes on. You were lucky enough to get away with merely wiping your jeans. Ruffling his hair you gently push him to lay down. “Yeah, don’t need to ask  I think we've done more than enough together to warrant you at least one nap in my primo bed. And trust me, it's way better quality than the futon in the living room." You assure before shifting to scoot off the mattress. Once on your feet, you lean over the bed to pluck up anything that might get in Jake's way. Aside from the toys and stuff they had just used, you just tend not to clean up after yourself- there were still clothes from past laundry that just never got folded or tucked away draping over the foot of his bed and pooling on the floor, there were some headphones on the far corner at the head of the bed. But messy was the Strider aesthetic.

Jake shows no issue in diving under your covers grinning with whatever attention you offer. Maybe you need to lessen up on the contact. He might be a mind reader reaching out for one of your arms. A taunting “Just one.” Hanging from his lips. Apparently it’s post coitus cuddle time in Jakes-ville. It’s tempting. It’s oh so tempting to just chill out but you free your arm and hand him a pillow. 

English shows no shame in snuggling the shit out the thing- makes some sense. Seen each others dicks, cuddling won’t hurt an ego. Well, it won’t hurt /his/ ego. You think he’s mumbling something but the boy is soon zonked out completely mouth parted slightly and glasses still on his face. You remove them and shake your head and breathe silently in frustration. He’s just so _cute_. Shit’s mindboggling. Cuddling up like some kitten or puppy.

What the fuck ever, he was being some variety of stupidly small and fluffy animal, and you don’t have time to be internally screaming about this cheeky little bastard currently nestled blanket-deep in your bed.   
  


 

You gather the supplies and toys used and plop them in the sink. Gotta keep shit clean after all. A decent amount of time is spent there and you decide to leave the smuppet. What a dork. You fix Jake’s glasses without disturbing him and leave the door slightly ajar. The house phone is in the kitchen near the other kids. Must be in a generously good mood because you ask the two what they want on a second pizza. Dave and John had to pause the game they were still playing just to debate over it, but they eventually compromised to half-and-half a pizza between pepperoni and plain cheese. Any other day you might have just ordered a second hawaiian and tol em ‘suck it up’. Seems like they were still ignorant to you and Jake’s shenanigans judging by their oh so natural bickering.    
  
With pizza ordered you retreat back to your room. Jake’s rolled over some. You sit in your rolling chair and, just for a moment, wonder about the moral complications you’ve gotten yourself into. The ones that came with allowing Jake to sleep so soundly on your bed. The thoughts are heavy and pushed away. Jake is still in the room conscious or not. You don’t engage in any of your business ventures for this primary reason. Instead you scroll through meaningless websites, make a few replies on skype and test your hand to your tablet for some shitty drawings.    
  
You can hear Dave and John jump up for pizza when the doorbell goes off. Getting up you have to shoo the two out the way in order to quit them from harassing the pizza deliver about who knows what. You pay and tip. Once the two have their half split pizza on the floor of the living room you retreat. One hand with pizza the other with a few drinks pulled out the fridge.    
  
“Yo, Jake, foods here. Aint getting any hotter but sleep s’long as ya like.” The box and six-pack of cola dumped out on empty bed space. Your ass back in it’s spinny chair.  

Opening the box up you see Jake has taken to sitting up and can’t help but laugh at the arrangement of hair or confused expression on his face as he searches for his glasses. Disoriented lil pup. You’d do well to pull back from the puppy comparisons, not before another twisted idea forms in your head and _fuuuck_. Pin that sucker for later. Though you should really chill out on the shenanigans with Jake. He seems to relax and notice food. The way he eats his slice over the box to avoid crumbs is cute. Not that you really care. Bed is a mess and needs to be washed anyway.    
  
Only on his second slice does he remember how to talk.  "Dirk! thanks for the pizza, and for letting me snooze in your bed, annd for everything else.” That grin needs to get off his face. Dangerous shit. 

"Hm? Don't mention it, pizza's like, what, fifteen bucks? It was nothing Jake. If you want something that's actually impressive, I don't know, I could always get you a movie collection. Movies are things you like, right?" You ask eating on half of crust and waggling your other half at Jake, "Oh, and the bed. Yea, again, nothing. We'll probably be spending more time together in this bed later anyway." A salacious tone in your voice as you bite into the second half of  crust. Yea, you’re pretty sure that even for how dense Jake could be sometimes, the insinuation in his words was obvious. Again, Dirk, chill. God dammit, you can't help it.

He imitates your posture leaning back some, yet perks up at the word movies. It’s amusing. Guess you won’t need an answer to that one. 

"I dunno, If you ever did you'd have to watch them with me. All of them.” He’s wearing that goofy grin and wiggling his eyes at you. You merely shrug. “ If you think I totally won't sit down and marathon any given movie series with you to critically analyze each film for the sake of nit picking every little scene then you got another thing coming buddy." You say glancing above your shades.    
  
Might not have many idea but you’ve got plenty of flicks off of itunes and other various sites. It’s quite the collection.    
  
“Off the top of your head, favorite flick.” Might be kind of nice to actually hang out without being liplocked or moaning. He’s got you curious. That should be a yellow flag. You ignore it.   
  
You suddenly worry Jake might have an aneurysm judging by the bitten lip and furrowed brows. Hell you just might be seeing his thoughts. Didn’t know this would be such a trick question. You think he might be mumbling titles to himself as if he needs to cross out categories or some shit. When you’re about to give him a ‘relax’ card he looks up and spits out ‘Fifth element!’ 

Huh. Surprising choice. You smile because you _hadn't_ seen that one coming- the memory of that movie was a bit foggy, but you remembered aliens, impending doom, strange lady who could save them all and a frizzy haired feminine man who had become a personal hero by the end of it. But you didn't even get a chance to comment on that before Jake was throwing the question back at you. 

Not having a favorite isn’t a particularly fun answer. Jake would probably rag on you for that. You like picking movies and tearing them apart. More so if it’s well beloved. Something could always be better and you’re just an honest voice. " There is no movie greater, more well balanced with dialogue and action, with character development and growing relationships in so realistically portrayed in such a human manner and pretty amazing effects for its time than Finding Nemo." said with a straight face, "Cinematic Mastery if you ask me." you nod, taking a few more bites of his pizza as Jake retorted with whatever he had to say about your praise to such a ridiculous choice. Though, all in all, it was a pretty good movie. Except near the ending after Nemo helps save the net of fish and the dad swims to the floor and the audience gets a second death-syce. Like, why was that necessary when they already had the first death-syce when he was belly up in the bag earlier in the film? Your answer: it wasn't.   
  
Op, you’re in trouble.    
  
“Ass! You giant insufferable ass!” He’s grinning, don’t count.    
  
“I know, it’s a pretty nice butt ain’t it?”   
  
“That was a horrible answer!” You might as well see fumes come out his ears. Too transparent for his own good.

"What? You don't believe in my love for Finding Nemo? First of all, how dare you."

The deadpan expression he’s giving you is actually pretty convincing. “Not for a lick of a second.”

“You're right. Movie was a piece of aquatic shit. I mean, maybe if it were a movie featuring real people, that'd be interesting. But that ain't the  case.You heard of the movie Sandlot, right?" Might as well give him a close to real answer. Totally had nothing to do with the 50s psychotic murdering housewife smile kid had going on. It soon begins to fade once he realizes you’re not playing. "I mean, it's a bit before you but you like Fifth Element, so I guess you might've seen it. Either way, that would be my actual main film. Though I can't even compare to the prestige and perfect directing of Finding Nemo but it’s got it’s own charm to it y’know." You nod before biting into another one of those little ripped crust slices, not actually giving it such praise like the fish movie.

But the film you modestly brought up now actually was something of a favorite, sure it had its own quirks and critics, but it reminds you kind of how you grew up. Except in a city area rather than a little suburban town, though you’re not about to delve into your childhood for Jake right now.. at least not without being provoked to do so. Wasn't really your style to open up- hell, Dave didn't even know much about his big bro's upbringing aside from maybe that there was a reason you have an affinity for baseball caps- but if anyone was capable of getting Dirk to come out of that little snail shell of his, it would probably be Jake.

“We are not watching Finding Nemo. Sorry to break your heart,” Damn is he learning sass? “But, perhaps we could inspect this other one sometime?” Well, you suspect that’s a hook, line, sinker. Heh. Ocean.    
  
Still, he disrespected your love for Finding Nemo.”That’s a real shame then. Such a great film, guess I'll have to appreciate the cinematography of Finding Nemo alone. But hey, I'm only bringing up the topic because I know it's a thing you're into, movies, so excuse me for expressing an interest in your hobbies. Or whatever you like to call that obsession you have with movies. Either way, if you're actually into the idea of watching Sandlot 'sometime' I've got it, hot and ready for the viewing any time.” You’re hoping he’ll get the invitation.    
  
I mean, if he’s going to dally about in your room for the whole afternoon you’d rather keep him entertained. Not everything you do together had to be sexual. Not that it wasn’t immensely enjoyable but so was just hanging out with Jake. Noting his little quirks and interests. You’d like to believe he enjoys yours as well.    
  
For a moment he still looks caught up with your Finding Nemo shtick, squinting at you as though he’s not quite sure whether you’re being serious anymore. It’s a decent cause for chuckling. You get an o-kay and pull the movie up on an abnormally large monitor, turn off the lights, turn back to the bed and shake your head a little because Jake English is trying to kill you. He’s now sitting up, but somehow still finds a need to hug your pillow.    
  
“By the way, rule number one when watching movies with me, no holding back on commentary throughout the entirety of the film." He’s nodding a bit moving onto his side. “Rule number two, no falling asleep.” You’re just playing the tease Jake game at this point. Kid just woke up and now has a full stomach. You don't mind if he does, you’ll be watching a movie you enjoy afterall. 

Eyeing his new position you make it a point of crawling onto the bed from the opposite side to sit yourself behind him. If any cuddling is going on you’re gonna be the fucking ‘big spoon’. 

“Movie's don't have rules.” Your roll your eyes. “Yeah sure, now hush up movies starting.” Folding a pillow behind your bag to finally get comfy when that little voice of the man's moral code came nagging in the back of your mind.

Yet here you were, lying down beside one another, back to chest. Maybe if you just didn't reciprocate any of the cuddling- maybe if you just don't give into touching Jake in suggestive ways, you could get away with calling it a moral success.  The movie went on as a good distraction, and for the sake of not breaking your own rule, you point out, "You know what, the kid there sorta reminds me of you now that I think about it. That's hilarious, you're both god damn nerds." Right on queue Jake squawks “ I am most definitely, not qualified to be a nerd. How dare you!" Too bad  he couldn't even say the sentence without a touch of laughter. Yeah, major dweeb. "Besides, I'm much more attractive than he is, and I think you're twice the nerd what with your computer business and whatnot." Glancing away from the monitor Jake’s cranking his head back to look at you. For a moment you hold your breath and curse him for being cute yet again. Seems you get to  play big spoon after all when he molds against you. The casual affection isn’t something you’re very accustomed to. Raising Dave and running a business kept you out of the dating pool. You give Jake a flick on the nose.  "Couldn't agree more that you definitely pull off the look better than Smalls, I think it’s completely adorable on you." Nothing special in your inflection, a bit funny you happened to have a childhood-crush on him, most might have preferred Benny, you kind of dig the awkward guys. That hasn’t changed when looking at your love life. Not that Jake’s a part of your love life. Regardless the casualness of the compliment Jake still seems to fluster mumbling something like ‘poppycock’ under his voice. You can only bed his face is red and cheeks are puffed up. It’s absolutely endearing and kinda of difficult not to lean forward and look.

“Wait! Wait that means I’ve got one over you!” You smirk and roll your eyes. 

“Oh sure dude, what a thing to be beat in. Congrats.”    
  
“I know, I know. You’re just green you weren’t crowned king of the nerds.” 

As the movie continues you a few more jokes and jabs are let out. To make it fair of course you’d comment if someone particular reminded you of what a geek Dave was too, or even briefly recall a time when you and some young friends had also fucked around with shit like chewing tobacco as kids. Eventually Jake jumps in and the two of you throw quips back and forth about the characters and cheesy lines.

You expect it to be just that but as the credits begin to roll Jake’s turned over forward resting up against your sternum. “Soo, still measured past Finding Nemo?” comes out muffled and did he just nuzzle you? Swallowing you hold a casual expression despite the faintest heat in your cheeks probably invisible in the dark. “Nothing’s better than Finding Nemo.” That Joke would be dragged with him to the Grave if need be. 

“You, Strider. Are absolutely absurd. It’s annoying as it is attractive.” Jake grumbles giving you a fraction of personal space in favor of stretching out. Well, he didn’t fall asleep. 

"Attractive? When did this opinion develop? I am both offended and appalled that you would even think such a thing of me and demand to be shown proper respect." You suddenly miss the closeness, of which should not have been a thing to begin with. That voice should be listened to. It isn’t. Instead you give him another poke to the side just for Jake to wiggle out of your reach and glare. You grin a bit. That voice might as well give up. Another voice might as well appear and line of a series of chronological ideas, each growing exponentially morally unjust. You can't wait to check them off the growing list in your head. Kid's probably ticklish. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any grammar/spelling errors.  
> There will be plot later on I swear. If you can just bare with my writing style and an unhealthy amount of smut until then.  
> You can contact me for whatever reason at shipsham.tumblr.com/ask


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